wait…what?

Yesterday we bashed si.com for its economics-inspired insensitivity to the Chris Henry passing.  Today, we celebrate it for providing us with a never-ending supply of cheerporn.  Since one-time editor Conrad Dupes is a graduate of the University of Maryland School of Recreational Studies and Irish/Arab Studies….we dedicate this….eh hmmm….”spread” to him.

See the rest of this cheerleader’s images here.

While a nation rejoices (Redskins Nation, that is), the rest of the NFC East mourns the passing of the career of Washington Cabana Boy, Vinny Cerrato.  If you’re an Eagles, Giants or Cowboys fan, you find yourself extremely sad this morning that you will be deprived of future decades of your team playing against Cerrato-built teams. 

Fear not though, NFC East fans, Cerrato is being replaced by Bruce Allen who, along with Jon Gruden, took all the credit for winning a championship with Tony Dungy and Rich McKay’s players in Tampa Bay….then proceeded to flush the entire franchise down the toilet where it remains to this very day.  (Allen’s last two first round draft picks in Tampa were Gaines Adams and Aqib Talib.  roflmao!)

You will be missed, Vinny.  Sorely and dearly missed.

Hey, we love si.com more than the next guy (especially Extra Mustard) and we all make mistakes….but this one is a doozy.

The image above is not photoshopped, it’s an actual screen-cap from si.com showing an ill-timed pop-up advertisement from automobile insurer Liberty Mutual super-imposed over the Chris Henry Has Passed Away headline.

Yikes!

Granted, these new-fangled internet advertisements are all placed electronically based on algorithms, cookies and funky stuff like that…..but doesn’t anyone at SI.com look at their own site?  Isn’t there some dude sitting in the Time Warner Center on Columbus Circle in NYC who has a fancy office and the title of Editor who should be on top of this?  (To that man:  Sir, cease your bagel-eating and ball-scratching and begin editing your site…starting with moving the Liberty Mutual cracked windshield pop-up to another story….perhaps the one about Redskin’s GM Vinny Cerrato resigning?  Now THAT would be funny….and appropriate!)

You knew someone was going to be held accountable for Manny Ramirez taking an early shower during Game Four of the NLCS….and you had to know that it wasn’t going to be Manny.

Turns out, it’s Jamie McCourt….soon to be divorced wife of Dodger owner and Angela’s Ashes author Frank McCort.  We made up that last part.  The guy who wrote Angela’s Ashes is named Frank McCourt….but he’s not the same douchewaffle Dodgers owner who just fired his wife. We also made up the part about her taking showers with Manny.  Manny only showers with Manny.

Why did McCourt fire his wife?  From the looks of this picture, we’re guessing it’s because she wouldn’t give him field-box head.

If your mistress sends you the following text message stream, you might want to think about a restraining order:

“U love me?”

“Baby I might have a breakdown im so stressed”

“baby I need to pay the cell phone bills n the hospital. can u transfer 2000 to my acc.”

“All this bills n everything else is stressin me out.”

“Baby I have 2 be w u 2nite. I dnt care where.”

In the words of J. Edgar Hoover, “Yikes!”.

We here at the ‘Hu know that it’s difficult to say no to a mistress.  Getting the strange pootie will cloud a man’s mind like bukkake clouds the vision of a 19 year old Japanese porn queen.  Very few things in this world are like the strange pootie.  So, we empathize with the tragic plight of poor Steve McNair.

The strange pootie needs money.  No problem.

The strange pootie needs to be told she’s loved.  No problem.

The strange pootie tells you she is having a nervous breakdown.  BIG FUCKING PROBLEM!

Here’s our MMTM tip of the day.  When the strange pootie starts to have an emotional breakdown….GET THE FUCK OUT OF DODGE!!!

If only Monday-Morning Text Messager was there for him in his moment of crisis.  Because we did not think of the concept until just now, McNair paid with his life.

Don’t hate us.  We were undernourished as young children.