By now we’ve all read (here, here, here and….even the wee people get in on the act…..here), ad nauseum, about the failings of the Adidas Jabulani soccer ball being used at the World Cup. The seamless technology, blah blah blah, creates knuckling conditions at a certain, blah blah blah, speed. Etc., etc., etc.

But, what if the Jabulani seamless technology could be applied to breast implants? The unsightly scars on exotic dancers? GONE! And who wouldn’t want unpredictable bouncing of Jabulani Boobs when receiving a lap dance???

….and only because they went and had a welcoming party for tres heat homos in Miami. These people have no shame.

What else is there to say. We’ve all been duped. We all thought to ourselves, “Here is a guy who gets IT.” Then…LeBron pulls a Geraldo Rivera. Last night’s performance was our generation’s equivalent of the opening of Al Capone’s Safe. We should all be ashamed at ourselves for watching.

Viva la Bobby Jones.

And…Dan Gilbert….wtf was THAT all about? Lee Harvey…..we want to party with you.

Not that there’s anything wrong with it….

Who can blame the North Korean. Where he comes from, Ivory Coast Balls are a delicacy. Of course, anything not made of stone is a delicacy in North Korea.

(image by PhizzEd)

….both were violated by the men they love.

Yes….Donovon got Jesse James’d by the big fat man in Philadelphia, Andy Reid.  The Michelle “Bombshell” McGee in this relationship is Kevin Kolb who, we don’t believe, has any piercing or tats (but may…or may not….have sensitive nipples, if reports from Dupes are to be believed).

Several facts:

1. McNabb is the best quarterback in the history of the Eagles franchise.
2. Philadelphia fans are racist and therefore will never appreciate McNabb like they did Bobby Hoying.  And no, that’s not cool…that’s not still cool.
3. Andy Reid will be the head coach/VP of another franchise this time next year (we predict it will be the Chicago Bears)
4. Mike Shanahan is a buffoon and the intradivision trade will be of no consequence to the Eagles, who will win eleven games next year.  Just like they always do.
5. There is no number five, but our editor said we must come up with five.

That’s right, Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington says his cocaine usage was a one-time thing…undoubtedly caused by the looming sale of the Rangers to some dude named Greenberg from Pittsbugh….and we believe him…..there’s no way a drug-using baseball player could look this healthy.

(and, no, this photo isn’t the product of our world-famous photoshop artists….its obviously the product of…eh-hmmm….something else.)

wait…what?

Yesterday we bashed si.com for its economics-inspired insensitivity to the Chris Henry passing.  Today, we celebrate it for providing us with a never-ending supply of cheerporn.  Since one-time editor Conrad Dupes is a graduate of the University of Maryland School of Recreational Studies and Irish/Arab Studies….we dedicate this….eh hmmm….”spread” to him.

See the rest of this cheerleader’s images here.

While a nation rejoices (Redskins Nation, that is), the rest of the NFC East mourns the passing of the career of Washington Cabana Boy, Vinny Cerrato.  If you’re an Eagles, Giants or Cowboys fan, you find yourself extremely sad this morning that you will be deprived of future decades of your team playing against Cerrato-built teams. 

Fear not though, NFC East fans, Cerrato is being replaced by Bruce Allen who, along with Jon Gruden, took all the credit for winning a championship with Tony Dungy and Rich McKay’s players in Tampa Bay….then proceeded to flush the entire franchise down the toilet where it remains to this very day.  (Allen’s last two first round draft picks in Tampa were Gaines Adams and Aqib Talib.  roflmao!)

You will be missed, Vinny.  Sorely and dearly missed.

Hey, we love si.com more than the next guy (especially Extra Mustard) and we all make mistakes….but this one is a doozy.

The image above is not photoshopped, it’s an actual screen-cap from si.com showing an ill-timed pop-up advertisement from automobile insurer Liberty Mutual super-imposed over the Chris Henry Has Passed Away headline.

Yikes!

Granted, these new-fangled internet advertisements are all placed electronically based on algorithms, cookies and funky stuff like that…..but doesn’t anyone at SI.com look at their own site?  Isn’t there some dude sitting in the Time Warner Center on Columbus Circle in NYC who has a fancy office and the title of Editor who should be on top of this?  (To that man:  Sir, cease your bagel-eating and ball-scratching and begin editing your site…starting with moving the Liberty Mutual cracked windshield pop-up to another story….perhaps the one about Redskin’s GM Vinny Cerrato resigning?  Now THAT would be funny….and appropriate!)