9:21pm

okay gang…..welcome to another edition of CORKY BLOGS.  tonight we’re doing what I’m sure is the world’s only live blog following max scherzer’s first start.  corky is actually a phillies fan, and wishes that this phenom was on the phillies staff.  but he’s not.

we’ll get started in 10-15 minutes.  feel free to drop any comments you want and we’ll discuss them.  any topic.  corky’s going to drop mud.  he’ll be right back.

9:38pm

corky wants to know if it is really possible that ryan howard is hitting .167????? that’s RETAHDED!!!! what up with that big cat?  we’re guessing the phil’s are a little glad right now they didn’t pay him $150 million in the offseason?

chris wheeler just said that scherzer has a huge head jerk.  takes a huge head jerk to know one, eh, wheels?

the flyin hawaiian ends scherzer’s no-hit bid on the first pitch.

nothing puts fear in an opposing team like a 1-2 punch of victorino and eric bruntlett.

scherzer’s first pitch to utley:  98 MPH!!!!!

scherzer follows that up with an 88 MPH CHANGE UP!!!! holy shit says corky.  holy shit!

ryan howard sac flies victorino in, spoiling scherzer’s shutout bid in the first inning….and throwing his induction into the hall of fame into doubt.

9:54pm

what does ryan howard contribute to this team?  corky says he’s an american league DH.

ditto geoff jenkins.  i know he’s a lefty and scherzer is a righty….but i’d still rather see jason werth.  jenkins is over.  corky knows it, you know it. 

10:05pm

this kid scherzer IS going to the hall of fame if the umpires keep giving him this MASSIVE strike zone.  it is fucking huge.  corky needs to puke.

10:11pm

corky’s brother-in-law, f.e.w. would like everyone to know that justin upton is from the hampton roads, virginia area.  since they don’t have professional sports there….they get their jolly’s by watching the local boys play in other markets.

justin upton has a nice swing.  base hit.

10:22pm

someone wake up sarge….gary matthews missed his cue…..again.

have we mentioned that geoff jenkins sucks monster donkey dick?  why is he playing?  fuck the lefty righty deal when geoff jenkins is involved, says corky.

10:30pm 

pat the bat whiffs with two men….opportunity for geoff jenkins to redeem himself.

and he does!  rbi single scoring chase utley.

fuck geoff jenkins…he still nibbles on platypus foreskin.

10:35pm

corky has never applied for mensa membership….but scherzer’s ERA tonight seems to be 12.00.  doesn’t that seem a tad high for the hall-of-fame?

10:39pm

you know you’re major league debut as a starter isn’t going well when jamie moyer gets a couple of hits against you.

corkie wants to thank PhizzEd for the chromosones comment.  it’s comments like that that motivate corky to make something of himself.

10:55pm

ryan howard is a strike out victim.  when ISN’T ryan howard a strike out victim????

11:18pm

corky had the shits again…..and missed the fact that scherzer was yanked.  an inauspicious debut for the future hall-of-famer.  and with that……corky is OUTTA here!