flatusyahu.com contributor LarryKingJolson has been appointed Night Desk editor. We hope you’ll treat him with the respect and dignity he deserves.

alyssa milano is a dirty, hairy bushed little whore. god, i love her. {on205th}

how long after he catches his first touchdown pass with the montreal alouettes will it take for the charles rogers for lito sheppard and a first round pick rumors to begin? {tiricosuave}

do survivor contestants shave their pubes? how do they stem the tide of menstruation? banana leaves? doesn’t matter….we’d happily earn our red wings in the jungle with amanda…who apparently isn’t going to survive in the women of survivor final four. {cuzoogle}

i don’t care how many people danica patrick runs over and nearly kills as long as sports illustrated keeps showing me her lady humps. {huggingharoldreynolds}

if you’re like me, friday nights aren’t nearly as satisfying now that www.beasttube.com went out of business.

who gets laid more, team mascots or mort, the seventy-year old guy who guards the phillies dugout at citizens bank park? {awfulannouncing}

we hear don turkeyneck, cowboys owner jerry jones, wants to sign latarian milton as soon as roger goodell reinstates him. {brahsome}

no matter how much i may have hated him over the years, i was genuinely sorry to learn that nationals catcher paul lo duca has cancer.

oops. that should read paul lo duca IS a cancer. just as we suspected. {misterirrelevant}

reno mahe is a disgraced mormon. koren robinson is a disgraced first round pick. reno mahe runs a 4.7 forty. koren robinson runs a 4.4 forty. reno mahe is more reliable, but koren robinson has better hair. another tough decision for big red. {epiccarnival}

watching the phillies play the giants tonight, i’m hearing tom mccarthy say there are large number of phillies fans at the game in san fran tonight. if san fran has a very large population of gay people. and a lot of phillies fans are in san fran. doesn’t this mean a lot of phillies fans are gay?

don’t hate me because i recall enjoying that this song was playing the first time i ever ate at the “y”: