WE’VE GOT GAS!

KennyBanyasForeskin is an African-American who grew up in the Deep South where a deep resentment of blacks, women, democrats, independents, unions, jews, morons, catholics, homosexuals, transsexuals, bisexuals and bilateral trade agreements took root.  Wanting desperately to change his life, KBF moved to the Philadelphia suburbs where he established himself as an expert at fishing dead bodies out of the Delaware River.  Rejecting his African-American heritage, he prefers to be called “negro” and pretends to be white-trash by following the Flyers, Eagles, Phillies, but never the Sixers.  KBF was active in youth coaching until being banned for life by Pop Warner, Little League and Midgets-on-Ice. KBF now covers politics and pornography for flatusyahu.com and the Philadelphia Gay News.

DimaggiosMutantSeed is a New York-based television executive who created and produced some of the greatest television programs in broadcast history.  Beginning in the 1980’s DMS has brought to life a string of the most admired shows of their time, including, Cop Rock, Manimal, Supertrain, Holmes and Yo-Yo, Me and the Chimp, Still the Beaver and the Ropers.  DMS is also credited with creating the Reality TV genre having created, written and produced the XFL, Celebrity Boxing, Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire and The Jerry Springer Show.  In 1993, DMS received special recognition as the producer of The Chevy Chase Show.  Forced into retirement by an unappreciative entertainment industry, DMS now covers professional football for flatusyahu.com and Sports Illustrated.

ConradDupes, along with Al Gore, invented the internet.  Unfortunately Dupes, like Gore, received no financial renumeration and little public acknowledgement for creating the world wide web.  Revenge and a space on the Forbes Richest 400 Americans were secured when Dupes invented the “404 Not Found” error standard response code which has frustrated billions of internet users over the last decade.  Every time a server cannot find what a client is looking for, Dupes hears cash registers ring.  With financial security achieved, Dupes began a charitable foundation which caters to the psychological needs of NASCAR fans driven to the edge by driver Kyle Busch.  The Dupes Charitable Foundation also sponsors the floormats of the #88 car driven by Dale Earnhardt Jr.  Dupes covers Hockey and the various peculiarities of Philadelphia Eagles Head Coach Andy Reid for flatusyahu.com and the Norristown Times Herald.   

PhizzEd is an anger-management specialist whose work with Mark Cuban, Rasheed Wallace, Roger Clemens, Ron Artest and Milton Bradley have earned him international acclaim.  Trained at the esteemed Gary Wolf Institute of Personnel Management, PE has developed a unique and calming style of personal interaction which was chronicled in his amazon.com bestseller, “Don’t Fuck With Me”.  An avowed Marxist, PhizzEd recently traveled North America on a powder-blue Vespa to investigate the plight of professional lacrosse players.  His account of this trip is being made into the major motion picture, The Scooter Diaries.  He now lives in Cuba and covers all sports and is the collective bargaining expert for flatusyahu.com and Pravda.