New York, N.Y. (WYHU) - Family and friends are saying goodbye to the career of a once-respected basketball coach whose greed hijacked his prospects for future employment.

A Mass of Christian Burial for Mike D’Antoni of SoHo was held Friday morning at the Nativity of the Blessed Dollar Church on Park Avenue.

The remains of D’Antoni’s career were identified by Cleveland State University officials, who offered him a coaching job, last week.

D’Antoni’s career had been missing since it was kidnapped by a massive contract offer made by spoiled rich kid Knicks Owner James Dolan. 

D’Antoni’s spiritual adviser, Donald Trump, spoke about the frustrations of one having his cake and eating it, too.

“Greed is good.  I just made that up now.  Off the top of my head.  Yes….greed is good.  And Mike followed the greed.  And that was good.  What wasn’t good was his roster.  Frankly, that sucked.  And honestly, we found out that coaches don’t mean jack-shit if the roster sucks.

But I digress.

So now that Jimmy Dolan has said ‘You’re Fired’….I made THAT line up, too, incidently…only Cleveland State will hire him now.  Rest in peace Mike D’Antoni’s career.  Rest in peace.”

Close to one thousand people, representing all remaining Knicks season ticket holders, attended the funeral where there was standing room only.

Story by thegasman, WYHU

Marvin Harrison sure as hell does, muthafucker. 

The evil-spirit of Jack Kevorkian visited Churchill Downs yesterday as tragedy again hit a Triple Crown race. This time it was Eight Belles whose legs buckled and she was immediately euthanized (we used to call it “destroyed”) immediately on the track. (another horse soul floating around to keep our beloved Barbaro company).

We’re certainly not knee-jerk reactionists….but we do think this situation begs an answer tot he following question:

WHAT THE FUCK?????

Are these horses incapable of bearing the tremendous loads they are carrying around the track?

Are the track surfaces to blame?

Or, as we suspect, is this simply the price horses must pay for being further down on the food chain than us humans?

Whatever the answer….we believe NBC and its sponsors….especially YUM BRANDS…..can look forward to repeat Kevorkian moments at the Kentucky Derby.

Now THAT’s entertainment.

You can be darn tootin sure that the marketing geniuses at YUM! Brands (owner of KFC, Taco Bell, Long John Silvers, etc. etc.) didn’t count on horses being destroyed ON THE TRACK moments after the finish when they signed on to be the presenting sponsor of the Kentucky Derby.

We’re certain that millions of little girls were surely watching the pretty horses gallop around the track today when, horrifically, second-place finisher Eight Belles broke both ankles and was immediately euthanized. We’re not going to get in the middle of the controversy over whether horse racing is inhumane (it is). We’re just going to simply say that next time a mother asks her daughter if she wants to eat at KFC…..we’re guessing the response might go something like this:

“Aren’t they the people who killed that poor little horsey who tripped?”

ouch.

Phillipp Frieherr von Boeselager, who twice whiffed at planned attempts to assassinate Adolf Hitler, died Thursday evening in Berlin.

Story here.

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Legendary Steelers announcer Myron Cope passed away. One of the great announcing voices of all time (although some will argue they loathed his voice) You can read tributes to Cope anywhere, but I always loved this quote. For some reason I always remembered it after reading about it.

Myron Cope: (referring to Washington owner Daniel Snyder who complained about his team being called the “Wash Redfaces”) If that boy billionaire thinks he can shut me up, he should stick his head in a can of paint.

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For those looking for Goth Porn. I’m sure that will follow shortly.

Anyone who watched soaps in the eighties beat-off to her when Genie Francis wouldn’t do the trick.

To help you mourn…..we bring you GothPorn. MosDef NSFW!!!!!

read on for more….

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