At the polite request of our standard department (no, that’s not a typo…we only have one standard), this post has been removed due to its reference to sex and minors.
We apologize to all who enjoyed the post so much. Thank you for your understanding,
thegasman
On the day that Roger Clemens apologized to friends, family, fans and everyone at Yardbarker for mistakes that he has made in his personal life….son Koby Clemens announced his revenge.
Although his father denied having an affair with a 15-year old Mindy McCready, Koby isn’t buying it.
“No wonder I didn’t get laid in high school….I was competing with a Hall-of-Famer!”, noted Koby, “but I WILL get my revenge…I’m going to bang every seventy and eighty year old in every minor league town in America. I’ll bang my Grandma if that’s what it takes to embarrass my old man!”
Rusty Hardin, Roger Clemen’s attorney, said he will sue Koby if he gets near Hardin’s wife.
“This is unchartered territory….but I’ll sue his ass if he lays a finger on Momma.”
(after you’re done here….make sure you check out on205th Magazine’s Sexiest Woman on the Planet contest….which is down to the Final Four.)
As you know from being a loyal reader of these very pages, Yum! Brands had the utter misfortune of being the title sponsor of a major sporting event where a poor horsy broke both its ankles and was immediately “euthanized” (aka destroyed). The Eight Belles tragedy turned an exciting event, into a real bummer for all of us.
You have to wonder if Yum!’s executive team is wondering today if it was wise to be the title sponsor on the one major sporting event (besides the Daytona 500), where the participants have a chance of dying in the battle.
But corporate America is resilient….and we imagine that somewhere in a conference stocked with bagels, cream cheese, lox and a whole bunch of coffee…..Yum! is trying to come up with ways to not only minimize the damage from their ill-fated sponsorship…..but to actually profit from it…..with some possible Eight Belles related food introductions:
Flatus2Nights crack interview crew was able to catch up with Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledgers Brokeback Mountain costar/lover to solicit his thoughts on todays sudden passing of Ledger, 28. Mr Gyllenhaal was far too distraught to offer any thoughts of his own, however his ass was more accomodating:
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Separated Twins Marry Each Other
Updated:17:44, Friday January 11, 2008
Twins separated at birth have married each other without realising they were brother and sister, it has been revealed.
The British couple’s marriage has now been annulled by the High Court after judges ruled the marriage had never validly existed.
The identities of the brother and sister and details of how they fell in love and married are being kept secret.
Soon after they were born they were separated and adopted by different families.
Neither was told they had a twin and had no idea they were blood relatives until after their wedding.
Pam Hodgkins from Adults Affected by Adoption said: “Incest is one of the strongest taboos in our society. But we are always attracted to a partner who is like us.
“And nobody can be more similar than a biological twin.”
you’ll remember that we called out marshawn lynch for his grammatically-challenged yardbarker posting.
(for the record, nobody is more grammatically-challenged than the gas-man….but we don’t get paid by yardbarker to contribute via the written word)
we’ve found a new hero, Zach Popp, who had the courage to ignore the ignorant, jock-sniffing masses over at yardbarker by posting the following response to lynch’s horrific posting:
For starters, I hate improper grammar. Actually, hate is a strong word. I do not hate improper grammar. It does, however, bother me. And I understand that most of the time it is done subconsciously and we don’t really notice. That is fine. It happens. However, I do hate when people use improper grammar intentionally. It demeans them as a human being, making them nothing more than the cats and dogs we have in our homes, because if you cannot communicate properly, and you are a fully functioning human being, than you are nothing more than a house pet. Now, I do not expect this post to be perfect because I know it won’t be. I will type too fast and skip a letter or jumble words. I will then go back and fix them so just accept it and enjoy the read.
Without further adieu, I present to you: DAMN: Written by Marshawn Lynch:
“whats good yardbarkers what it do its ya local neighborhood running back outta OAKLAND….in buffalo playin for da bills…if u looked at da headline reading DAMN its cause ive been out 4 da past two weeks and its been hurting me not to b out der wit ma teammates even if we losing….i just cant wait til i can get back out der wit ma bra bras (teammates)…..but dis just ma lil intro until i can get back to yall wit a lil mo….stay solid til next time”
Now, for those of us that like to read in English, I present to you:
DAMN:Written by Marshawn Lynch and Re-Written by Zach Popp :
Good afternoon, everybody(everyone, friends, people, etc.). How is it going? I am Marshawn Lynch, the running back for the Buffalo Bills out of Oakland, California. I decided to title this article DAMN because I have been out for the past couple weeks and it is starting to irritate me. I realize right now we are not doing that well but my team needs me and I want to be out there. I cannot wait until I can go back to practice and be with my teammates. This is really all I have for today. I just wanted to introduce myself and give you guys an update. You guys have a good day and I will keep everyone updated on what is going on up here in Buffalo.
p.s. if you have a yardbarker account….please go over there immediately and give Zach all the support and love that he deserves by giving his post a thumbs up…..and leave a good comment.
there are few things in life a chick can do to turn us off…..and having nasty gnarly dirty armpits is MOSDEF one of them……
….here’s a fugster with nasty pits…….we’re not experts but looks like a she either hasn’t shaved them in a couple of days…..or…..she shaved them an hour before this photo and she’s just lebanese…….or…….she has a habit of holding her wall street journal by her armpits while sitting in a steam room…..or…….a combination of all of the above.
and skank ho? looks like you missed a spot when shaving.
if this chick ain’t the offspring of jamie farr…..we don’t know who is……
Morning sickness? Has Travis Henry been to Sweden lately? Donovan McNabb imitation?
We’re not the first to report that Kyla Ebbert was kicked off a Southwest Airlines plane for wearing a revealing outfit….but we are the first to ask these hard-hitting questions:
Folks, we at flatusyahu.com are honored to welcome Sen Larry Craig to serve as an expert commentator. Sen Craig is the nation’s formost authority on stances. Senator, take it away.
“This fellow’s stance is simply too narrow. Though I’d change my negative opinion if I found out he was a switch hitter.”
“Batter up indeed!! This guy has just the kind of stance I like to see. The thing that really does it for me is the squat. It really sets my feet a tappin’”
“I can’t think of anything I like better than a double header.”
“The gentleman is obviously not a hitter, but I like his style. That said, I much prefer catchers to pitchers.”
