In lieu of the holiday season, we bring you “If athletes were Christmas characters”
Who else but Joe Namath can be compared to Darren McGavin’s favorite present from the Christmas Story?
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Tom Brady seems the only obvious choice for George Bailey. Everybody knows the story of George Bailey, but let’s looks at what would have happened if Tom Brady was never born.
First of all, Damon Huard comes in to replace an almost dead Bledsoe. We don’t see the years being quite the same… Read the rest of this entry »
Tom Brady seems the only obvious choice for George Bailey. Everybody knows the story of George Bailey, but let’s looks at what would have happened if Tom Brady was never born.
First of all, Damon Huard comes in to replace an almost dead Bledsoe. We don’t see the years being quite the same… Read the rest of this entry »
Because Emmett Otter is a favorite classic, we had to choose wisely who would be our Emmett Otter. The beloved Henson Muppett Classic depicts Emmett as the hard worker, do whatever it takes, little otter with the big heart. Emmett put the hole in the washtub and practices until his band his nearly perfect. But the River Bottom Nightmare Band is bigger, badder, and eventually better. That doesn’t deter our hero. So that brings us to Dustin Pedroia and Wes Welker. Read the rest of this entry »
Everyone knows and is warmed by the story of Clark Griswold in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Lovable loser who can’t get anything right.
Cam Cameron’s Dolphins are the Griswolds of the NFL…..unannounced distant relatives dropping by (Ricky Williams), the dried-out over-cooked turkey (Trent Green), a manic squirrel terrorizing everyone (Don Shula declaring the Patriots perfect record deserves an asterisk for cheating).
We’re guessing Wayne Huizienga gives Cameron a Jelly-of-the-Month Club subscription as a Christmas bonus.
Nightmare Before Christmas’ Jack Skellington is king of Halloween who grows bored of Halloween finds out about Christmas and decides to use his excellent management skills to take over the holiday.
Arthur Blank, who is king of drywall screws and table saws grows tired of running a billion dollar company, finds out about the NFL and decides to use his excellent management skills to take over the league and has his own Nightmare Before Christmas in the form of Bobby Petrino.
Both are dashing, dapper, slim and trim….although reports that Skellington is 1/8 Jewish have not yet been confirmed.
Buddy and Yao. What a match. Both were obviously uncomfortable in their home setting, being so much different than others, and took time to get used to their new settings. Big, likable galoots both are passionate about their professions, while at times they can still be “cotton headed ninny muggins”
We are going to cut Gayrod some slack here and award the role of Mr. Potter to mega agent Scott Boras. Gayrod is trying to take some of the blame for the “opt out” and timing debacle of the announcement, but let’s face it, Scott Boras has never looked worse. We truly believe if Boras could have his way, we would see Major League Boras Baseball and the New York Borasses as his name and face would be everywhere. Pottersville? (Side note, we do like Scott Boras’s idea of brothels inside each stadium, so there is a bright side)
How do we get Charlie Weis from Ralphie? Let’s see. Ralphie, we all know, wanted more than anything an official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle. Ralphie did everything in his power to get it. Charlie, more than anything, wanted to be a head coach at the University of Notre Dame. He did everything in his power to get it, and he did everything he could to get that long term mega million contract and pretty much guarantee his children a Notre Dame degree. Charlie also wanted his own players, in his system. We know what happened to Ralphie. And now we know what happened to Charlie. Charlie got his players, his Jimmy Clausen, and his schedule, and what happened to both of them? They shot their eyes out. That Little Orphan Annie decoder ring has a new message, b-e-s-u-r-e-t-o-s-a-y-y-o-u-r-h-a-i-l-m-a-r-y-s.
HOWDY HO! Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo, small and brown he comes for you….
I may have overlooked somebody for this role, but hey we can add whomever we want. Qualifications were pretty simple, and obvious, for the South Park Christmas character. You are either a piece of…or full of… No further explanation necessary.
