….and only because they went and had a welcoming party for tres heat homos in Miami. These people have no shame.

What else is there to say. We’ve all been duped. We all thought to ourselves, “Here is a guy who gets IT.” Then…LeBron pulls a Geraldo Rivera. Last night’s performance was our generation’s equivalent of the opening of Al Capone’s Safe. We should all be ashamed at ourselves for watching.

Viva la Bobby Jones.

And…Dan Gilbert….wtf was THAT all about? Lee Harvey…..we want to party with you.

Not that there’s anything wrong with it….

Who can blame the North Korean. Where he comes from, Ivory Coast Balls are a delicacy. Of course, anything not made of stone is a delicacy in North Korea.

(image by PhizzEd)

….both were violated by the men they love.

Yes….Donovon got Jesse James’d by the big fat man in Philadelphia, Andy Reid.  The Michelle “Bombshell” McGee in this relationship is Kevin Kolb who, we don’t believe, has any piercing or tats (but may…or may not….have sensitive nipples, if reports from Dupes are to be believed).

Several facts:

1. McNabb is the best quarterback in the history of the Eagles franchise.
2. Philadelphia fans are racist and therefore will never appreciate McNabb like they did Bobby Hoying.  And no, that’s not cool…that’s not still cool.
3. Andy Reid will be the head coach/VP of another franchise this time next year (we predict it will be the Chicago Bears)
4. Mike Shanahan is a buffoon and the intradivision trade will be of no consequence to the Eagles, who will win eleven games next year.  Just like they always do.
5. There is no number five, but our editor said we must come up with five.

That’s right, Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington says his cocaine usage was a one-time thing…undoubtedly caused by the looming sale of the Rangers to some dude named Greenberg from Pittsbugh….and we believe him…..there’s no way a drug-using baseball player could look this healthy.

(and, no, this photo isn’t the product of our world-famous photoshop artists….its obviously the product of…eh-hmmm….something else.)

wait…what?

Hey, we love si.com more than the next guy (especially Extra Mustard) and we all make mistakes….but this one is a doozy.

The image above is not photoshopped, it’s an actual screen-cap from si.com showing an ill-timed pop-up advertisement from automobile insurer Liberty Mutual super-imposed over the Chris Henry Has Passed Away headline.

Yikes!

Granted, these new-fangled internet advertisements are all placed electronically based on algorithms, cookies and funky stuff like that…..but doesn’t anyone at SI.com look at their own site?  Isn’t there some dude sitting in the Time Warner Center on Columbus Circle in NYC who has a fancy office and the title of Editor who should be on top of this?  (To that man:  Sir, cease your bagel-eating and ball-scratching and begin editing your site…starting with moving the Liberty Mutual cracked windshield pop-up to another story….perhaps the one about Redskin’s GM Vinny Cerrato resigning?  Now THAT would be funny….and appropriate!)

If your mistress sends you the following text message stream, you might want to think about a restraining order:

“U love me?”

“Baby I might have a breakdown im so stressed”

“baby I need to pay the cell phone bills n the hospital. can u transfer 2000 to my acc.”

“All this bills n everything else is stressin me out.”

“Baby I have 2 be w u 2nite. I dnt care where.”

In the words of J. Edgar Hoover, “Yikes!”.

We here at the ‘Hu know that it’s difficult to say no to a mistress.  Getting the strange pootie will cloud a man’s mind like bukkake clouds the vision of a 19 year old Japanese porn queen.  Very few things in this world are like the strange pootie.  So, we empathize with the tragic plight of poor Steve McNair.

The strange pootie needs money.  No problem.

The strange pootie needs to be told she’s loved.  No problem.

The strange pootie tells you she is having a nervous breakdown.  BIG FUCKING PROBLEM!

Here’s our MMTM tip of the day.  When the strange pootie starts to have an emotional breakdown….GET THE FUCK OUT OF DODGE!!!

If only Monday-Morning Text Messager was there for him in his moment of crisis.  Because we did not think of the concept until just now, McNair paid with his life.

Don’t hate us.  We were undernourished as young children.