we totally get that they have access to all kinds of poonanny due to their power and rock star celeb status. but why are they putting that to ill-use by hitting the low quality shit? (see also: lewinsky, monica)
the national enquirer is reporting that, not only is potential democratic party vice-president candidate john edwards canoodling with the shady end of the gene pool, he’s also expanding it by having a love child with rielle hunter, shown above and below.
totally gross, john edwards! totally gross!
we have two words to say to edwards, whose other baby momma has famously battled cancer: get thee a condom! and some quality puss!
there’s no story here (situation normal, eh?). just your typical right-wing-ex-president-spotted-in-gay-berlin-wearing-a-melon-colored-turtleneck-photo.
democrats are crying foul today, accusing the presumptive republican nominee for president, senator john mccain, of playing the thigh and cleavage card as a diversion from bad press caused by his soon to be famous “crazy-lazy-eyed john mccain” photo:
mccain’s camp asked for compassion and understanding, explaining that the candidate’s right eye suffers from post traumatic stress syndrome and occassionaly is the victim of vivid flashbacks to the senator’s vietnam POW experience. after years of psychotherapy, mccain’s left eye is no longer subject to PTSS and rests comfortably at all times.
the republicans admitted that cindy mccain’s not so subtle thigh-flash and cleavage squeeze were ill-advised attempts to divert attention from the candidates right eye and have vowed to stop using mrs. mccain’s cougarness if barack obama, right now, will vow to make hilary clinton his vice presidential candidate.
we’re sure it’s just a coincidence that the white kid with the new glove shook the president’s hand…..and that the two little brown fellas with the hand-me-down gloves and sneakers turned their backs on him. or maybe the little smart alecs are just searching for those damn WMD’s.
disclaimer: padraig flatusyahu and most of the rest of the flatusyahu staff are card-carrying members of the republican party. phizzed, a communist, is the lone pinko left-winger.
two images from today’s campaign trail may help you make a decision on whom to vote for your next president:
1. John McCain uses humongous dinner napkin to blow his nose:
why this is bad:
a prepared presidential candidate would clean house BEFORE he stepped on the dais.
blowing snot into a dinner napkin at a banquet shows poor regard for the working man. some poor minimum-wage earner is going to have to handle that nasty nose rag.
2. Barack Obama’s shoes look like yours and mine:
why this is good:
while fashionable, the are obviously well-worn. if he gets such good mileage out of his shoes, we have reason to expect that he will get good mileage out of our tax dollars.
tipping his shoe up while giving a speech shows a level of naturalness and humility. he’s not a talking robot, but a real person whose body language is real and not contrived.
flatusyahu world news has learned EXCLUSIVELY that terrell owens is missing a mandatory cowboys training camp in order join barack obama on the democratic ticket.
owens’ agent, drew rosenhaus issued a statement saying “i’ve just gotten off the phone with barack obama and he is thrilled to have t.o. as his running mate”. when asked what owens’ qualifications are, rosenhaus barked “next question!”.
a spokesperson for the obama campaign declined comment, stating, “as usual, we don’t comment on rumors about suicidal prima donnas with hands of stone”.
we may be anarchists…(may be?)….but we’re not big on organized protests. in fact, we hate them. they tie up traffic, create lots of litter and generally waste tax payer dollars.
but here’s a protest we can get behind. these folks are involved in a clothing-optional protest against oil dependency and car culture called the ‘World Naked Bike Ride’ held in london this past weekend.
we applaud even the skanky riders for laying it all on the line for lower gas prices and a cleaner environment.
we always thought the press was messed up in this country…..but we didn’t know the news reporting services like AP were this messed up.
you remember elian gonzalez? he’s the little boy in the center of an international controversy about whether to send him back to his father in cuba after his mother died while trying to escape the country. read about his story on wikipedia. he’s the little fella in this infamous picture:
well, this weekend, elian joined the young communist party and pledged to support and “never let down” his president. and for that, AP has labeled him a “Young Militant”. here’s the offensive caption from AP:
Cuban young militant Elian Gonzalez delivers a speech during an event marking the 80th anniversary of the birth of the Cuban National hero, Argentinean Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara in Havana, Saturday, June 14, 2008. Gonzalez, the Cuban boy at the center of an international custody battle eight years ago, has joined Cuba’s Young Communist Union. Communist youth newspaper Juventud Rebelde quotes Elian Gonzalez as saying he will never let down ex-President Fidel Castro and his brother Raul Castro, who succeeded Fidel earlier this year.
(AP Photo/AIN, Marisol Ruiz Zoto)
wtf?!?!?!?!
a young militant? why? because he pledged to support his president? if that’s the case then 28% of americans are militants also! (roflmao! get it…on 28% of americans support the president?….never mind.)
elian gonzalez hasn’t pledged to bomb the white house or take down our airliners. he has joined the political party of his homeland. it doesn’t make him a militant.
write your congressmen. write the president. write tom brokaw. something must be done.
what is it with politicians and fugly chicks?
