He’s back….. The Miami Dolphins, where NFL coaches go to die, have announced the hiring of 93 year old Bill Parcels as their next head coach ‘Director of Football Operations”. Yeah, sure. Hope you’re renting, Cam Cameron.
You know, it’s a good thing the gasman got his lawyer to take care of this “legal mumbo jumbo” because I had just retained the great legal advice of Jackie Chiles. When I told Jackie what happened he said:
“Who told you to stop posting camel toe?
Did I tell you?
Who told you cheer porn had to stop?
Who told you LKJ was insulting?
It’s outrageous, egregious, preposterous.
You give me one horny sports fan on that jury, and you’re gonna go home a rich man!”
What happened to the “Curse of the Bambino?”
These new players, these kids, they have NO respect for the way things were in my day. In my day, the Red Sox didn’t win World Series, they choked. They were cursed for trading the greatest and most adored athlete of all time. Babe Ruth was so fat and such a drunk, that he made you feel good about yourself. You had to root for him. Now, they go and win TWO? Respect the curse! A lot of people went to trouble to embrace that curse. Next thing you know the Cubs will go and pay $200 million for some fancy pants manicured ball player. Geesh.
I’m not in a good mood, my bladder is acting up and I’m flowing more than that guy who cried about some dog being taken from some kids.
So ABC bans this comedian from ever appearing on Monday Night Football again. I say good riddance! What is with all these guys in the booth, are they….fags? Why do they cram them in there, and you get them talking at the same time, it’s like the View on testosterone. Enough already. Football talk during the game, that’s it! What a concept.
And while your at it. Read the rest of this entry »
What the (blip) is wrong with boxers these days? You got a boxer headed back to jail with a tattoo on his face, you got one nancy parading around in frilly womens underwear (we had one of those when I was in the service, we tried to teach him a lesson by making him do atomic sit up without any of us wiping, but he just enjoyed it, that boxer would too) and another who thinks he’s Fred Astaire and wants to dance on his tippy toes. Baaa! Back in my day, boxers boxed. And they were cool. Next thing you know they’ll let women box. What’s this friggin world coming to.
Alright, you might know me from my DirecTV commercials, but you know what, I got a lot more to say than that! So these idiots are giving me a platform, and you betch your Colt 45 I’m going to take it.
So this pitcher, Pa-dee-a, he gets suspended 7 games for throwing at somebody and getting in a little scruff. Waaaa! Big deal. In my day, when you threw at somebody HE was out for 7 games cuz we didn’t wear those sissy helmets they have today. And you know what else, you didn’t have to buy a beer that night, everybody treated you. And not that watery lite crap you boys drink today. Why one time, I was in high school and the opposing pitcher, this kid named Ryan…no wait, Nolan, Nolan Ryan, he hit a kid so hard just for looking at his sister the ball went in one ear and out the other. That was how you played the game. None of this pansy crap with helmets and warnings. Bah. Why not wear a tutu. I wonder whatever became of that pither Nolan, he was pretty good.
