what a strange year this has been for wrascar’s tony stewart.
first of all…..he has sucked big time all year long. and despite protestations, gesticulations and obfuscations from the dupes household that he’s a second half driver…..we ain’t seen jack shit from the #20 yet and it’s almost august.
second, stewart has left what is now probably the class of the wrascar circuit, joe gibbs racing. chased away by the success and sudden rock star status of kyle busch, leader of la revolucion, stewart has decided to partner with gene haas, a man currently serving a prison sentence for tax evasion. nice.
and now this. apparently last thursday, stewart sent postal on an official at a MIDGET CAR RACE. not a craftsman truck series race. not a nationwide race. certainly not a sprint cup race. he went postal on a MIDGET RACE OFFICIAL.
i’ll admit i’m somewhat biased, what with my handle being citizien busch and all, but the decision by sports illustrated wrascar writer tom bowlesy to name jeff burton as the top driver for the first half of the racing season is just about the dumbest thing i’ve ever read.
citing burton’s “unprecedented” stretch seventeen top 15 finishes….THAT’S TOP FIFTEEN…..(roughly the top one third of the racing field)……and his brief appearance atop the points leader board…..IN APRIL……bowlesy obviously believes that consistent mediocrity is a better measurement than kyle busch’s, leader of la revolucion, seven victories….in just the SPRINT series alone!!!!
a paragraph later, bowlesy cites busch’s TWELVE top FIVE finishes and seven victories that busch is a “hard charger”.
citizens….this may be the most ridiculous piece of writing i’ve ever seen. and you must read it. and you must write to this man. and you must tell him that citizen busch at flatusyahu.com wishes to leg wrestle him into a humiliating submission.
must have been an interesting week at the dupes household. the leader of la revolucion, kyle busch, won two more races….bringing his 2008 total to an astounding 14 wins through the second week of july. unprecedented is what i believe i heard joe gibbs call that. even more unprecedented is that he got more applause than boos after both wins…..startling AND delighting the CHOSEN ONE.
just days earlier, joe gibbs gracefully let tony stewart step into the abyss of team ownership, releasing him from his contract so that he could become another kyle petty: a dude with a famous name and a slow race car. that HAS to hurt missus dupes to see her favorite driver make such a big mistake.
and just a few days before that, dale earnhardt jr. was fired by one of his sponsors. let THAT sink in for a moment. dale earnhardt jr, the leader of the withering RED ARMY, was fired by a sponsor. the US NAVY has decided not to sponsor earnhardt jr’s nationwide team despite brad kesolowski being one of the top young drivers in the game. you reckon the navy reached its quota of rednecks and doesn’t need JR’s kind anymore? who knows. but the wheels sure are falling off that legend.
elsewhere, we wonder if clint bowyer and carl edwards regret signing renewals now that a spot is opening up at gibbs? oops. a spot isn’t opening up at gibbs. joey legano is steppin’ right into smoke’s #20……and the beat goes on. busch/legano will be the new gordon/johnson of the next decade. take it to the bank.
kyle busch, leader of la revolucion, won ANOTHER race, this time the Coke Zero 400, a thriller featuring extra laps, a last lap pile up and a neck and neck finish.
busch, the world’s best stock car driver and the man you dale earnhardt jr sycophants (it really is a word, rednecks, lookerup) love to hate, overcame beaucoup problems with his car to nip carl “the carl” edwards when the field was frozen during a final lap caution.
dale earnhardt, jr….as is his tradition, finished in the top ten….good enough for the TV types to mention his name….not good enough to be a factor. let’s face it….despite hendrick throwing ALL KINDS of money on making junior a winner….it’s just not happening. listen to junior whine about how wimpy mark martin is for not giving him a hand at the end of the race. wahhhhhhh!
citizenbusch, chronicler of La Revolucion (aka The Rowdy Revolution), was stunned to learn today that Richard Childress is allowing a driver to use the most hallowed of hallowed ground in race car driving, the #3 car made famous by Dale Earnhardt, a number which seemingly had been permanently retired. even dale earnhardt, jr. during his free-agency tour last year couldn’t talk Childress into parting with the number.
so who did Childress give up the number for? his eighteen year-old grandson, Austin Dillon, a driver in WRASCAR’s development series.
the crooked #3 and black paint scheme had been retired since big e’s fatal crash at the 2001 daytona500. many in the sports world felt that this number would never be used again….at least not by anyone not named earnhardt.
think of it this way: who would want to wear the #23 for the chicago bulls? the #99 in hockey? the snake glasses at the world series of poker? now imagine if michael jordan, wayne gretzky and greg raymer were all dead…..THAT is what this is like. it would be hard enough wearing the number of a LIVING icon, let alone a sainted, tragically deceased icon.
(this is a good moment to pause during this tirade to recognize the passing of spock, the pointy-eared dog. he was a good dog who tolerated shady ownership.)
back to #3. according to the virginia-pilot, dillon, whose father was a racer who now works for Childress, is an up-and-comer and his grandfather simply couldn’t say no to him. that’s pretty fucked up, don’t you think? isn’t that kind of like george steinbrenner saying he can’t say no to his grandkids when they ask if they can use thurmon munson’s uniform for little league?
(we pause again to recognize tony stewart for his nationwide win today…and high-fives to mrs. dupes, friend of the ‘hu and one of smoke’s biggest fans)
getting back to austin dillon…we’re asked to believe that the good news is that dillon, like earnhardt, is extremely aggressive as evidenced by his coaches asking him to tone it down in youth soccer!
peeshaw!!!! we can’t make this stuff up!
read about the whole mess here. write to childress. write to congress. write to somebody. anybody. this has to be stopped.
we have a habit of letting the record of the leader of La Revolucion, Citizen Busch, speak for itself…so when dupes launched an all out congratupalooza for dale earnhardt jr last week….we just sat back quietly.
you’ll remember that jr. had not won a race of any kind since the sack race at his fourth grade field day in the early nineties (and even that was a restrictor plate race) before he finally took the checkered flag last week while the rest of the field was gassing up and hitting the pottie. congrats on that win, jr.
yes…it’s true that it’s been almost a month since kyle busch had won a sprint car race. almost a month. goddamn, that’s 1/24th the losing streak that jr. had.
but we digress.
good racing fans all over the globe (including the ones pictured above in moscow) took to the streets tonight to celebrate Citizen Busch’s FIFTH win THIS SEASON at sonoma. if you’re keeping score, Rowdy has now won races on all kinds of surfaces, all kinds of track configurations, against all kinds of moe’s. most often, he has been seen kicking jr.’s ass all over the asphalt.
if dale earnhardt (god rest his blessed soul) was the intimidator….then busch is the dominateor. book it danno.
Maybe we need to pass a rule saying you need to be a NASCAR fan for more than 150 days before you pronounce someone the future of racing. Nothing unusual here. In Kentucky, Saturday night, Kyle Busch comes into the turn too hot and…you guessed it…loses control. Kyle did everyone a favor this time by not taking anyone with him. I hear he blamed the tire changer for this one.
yeah….this was supposed to be a post about dale jr. being EXPOSED as a FRAUD. but jr. (along with the trusty casio calculator of tony eury jr.) went and ruined that by winning the lifelock400…jr’s first win since 1926.
we’ll move forward and start mocking tony stewart next week….but we want to take the time to congratulate all those in jr. nation who finally got a return on their investment of all that amp energy drink they’ve been guzzlin.
you know who you are.
back to the headline….a couple of nascar officials have been suspended indefinitely for exposing themselves to coworker mauricia grant, who is suing nascar for 225 million (or half the amount of money hendrick motorsports has spent trying to make dale jr. competitive).
mauricia, it’s called taking a piss. us guys do that sometimes.
