NEW YORK (AP)—A murmur rippled across the room as the NFL revealed the nature of requests by the Philadelphia Eagles for the league to recognize “Taint” as an official position.

The tittering was caused by the recognition that this is the first time since Najeh Davenport was officially designated as a “Scatback” that the league had declared a new official position.

After consultation with budinksy Senator Arlen Specter, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell approved the request by the Philadelphia Eagles that Chris Gocong and Andy Studebaker be listed at the “Taint” position. 

“The performance of Gocong and the anticipated performance of Studebaker have convinced the league that these men ‘Taint’ linebackers and they definately ‘Taint’ defensive ends….and therefore shouldn’t be referred to as such”, noted the commissioner.  

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