if you’re anything like us, there’s nothing worse than being distracted by erin andrews breasts while you’re trying to listen to samuel l. jackson victoria and david beckham speak on the red carpet at the 2008 ESPY’s.

p.s. MAJOR kudos to ESPN for having HUMMER sponsor this segment. THAT, my friends, is called programming.

[image via WENN]

Chapter 1:  Possess huge breasts.

Class is dismissed.

Roma Football captain Fransisco Totti may not be as famous across the globe as David Beckham, but he SMOKES Becks when it comes to spousal beauty.

Meet Ilary Blasi….one of the HOTTEST sports wives on the planet.

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Chris Long’s mommy is a cougar.

David Beckham’s mum is….ummmm….not a cougar. (in fact we’re pretty sure David Beckham’s mum is Rod Stewart)

And Glen “Big Baby” Davis’ moms used to be Arsenio Hall.

Alexander Ovechkin’s mom used to look like Maria Sharapova.  Buyer beware, indeed.

(see the rest of the moms as si.com)