pitty matt leinert.  he grew up chubby with all the other kids making fun of him.  then he grew into a big strapping quarterback, got to hit all kinds of quality shit, won  a heisman, became a millionaire and everything was nice in leinertburgh.

then he acquired a babymomma, did some beer bongs and was hugely ineffective as an nfl quarterback.  that’s how you wind up keeping the company of wilmer valderama.

apparently leinert is just one step up on the kryptonite chart from GayRod, who also can’t get anyone to attend his parties.  the matt leinert celebrity bowling night didn’t lack matt leinert….and it didn’t lack bowling….it lacked CELEBRITIES!!!!

among the d-lebrities:  reggie 3.7 (reggie “3.7 yards per carry” bush, skanky-dash (kim kardashian), stanky-dash (khloe kardashian) and valdermamamama.

uh….ewwww.

[images via wenn]

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[images via MAVRIXONLINE]

we’ve been hating on skanky-dash (kim kardashian) since day 1…..but we have to admit that we are at times entranced by her jiggly funbags.  this is one such time.

skanky (not to be confused with sisters swanky-dash…kourtney and stanky-dash….khloe) and boyfriend reggie “3.7 yards per carry” bush munched down at koi in LA.  skanky, as always, looked bosomly and reggie, as always, looked like he had diarrhea cramps.

p.s.  we’ve been asked why we hate on skanky-dash (and her sisters) and reggie 3.7 so much.

two part answer:  regarding skanky, stanky and swanky….we despise the kardashian’s because they’re getting paid big money despite having fat asses, no talent, no skillz, no purpose.  we’ve lived our whole lives having having fat asses, no talent, no skillz, no purpose…..and we haven’t seen dime one. we hope you understand.

regarding reggie 3.7:  we paid big money for reggie bush in fantasy football.  we gave away something like maurice jones drew, drew brees and drew carey for bush and all we’ve gotten is 3.7 yards per carry and very few touchdowns.  again, we hope you understand.

anyone else notice that reggie bush seems to be the least happy human being on earth?  seems like the cat always has a lot on his mind.  these pictures from the previously postedaboat stanky-dash birthday bash are further evidence that reggie simply can’t have fun.

maybe he’s worried about skanky-dash’s (kim kardashian) plump ass getting wider?

maybe he’s worried he won’t be able to keepy skanky-dash in the lifestyle she demands if his nfl career doesn’t dramatically improve?

or maybe he simply can’t get past skanky-dash’s porn tape with ray-j, where she was used like a blowup doll.

poor reggie bush.

[images via MAVRIXONLINE]

swanky-dash, stanky-dash and skanky-dash, aka kourtney, kloe and kim kardashain got together at pure nightclub in VEGASbabyVEGAS to celebrate stanky-dash’s 24th b-day.

stanky-dash (khloe) is the kardashian sister with uhhhh, how do we put this the right way, the “nice personality”.  swanky-dash (kourtney) is the hot fashion boutique owner. skanky-dash (kim), of course, is an adult film star, owner of the world’s largest caucasian ass and boyfriend of nfl dud reggie bush.

in addition to the ingominy of having o.j. simpson’s lawyer as her dad, the rest of stanky-dash’s family roster reads like a mormon family tree:  besides sisters swanky-d and skanky-d she has one younger brother, Robert Kardashian; two younger half-sisters, Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner,  three stepbrothers, including cody jenner and a stepsister, Casey Jenner.

happy b-day stanky-dash!

here’s some video of the dashtravaganza:

[images via WENN]

we wouldn’t listen to us either if we were you….but we are fucking telling you, jessica simpson is carrying the chicken-winged, shit-eating-grinning off-spring of tony romo (or some other poor moe).

several weeks ago we commented on simpson’s weight gain and loose fitting wardrobe.  today, she appeared on the spew (aka the view) exhibiting the following telltale signs of pregnancy:

1. weight gain
2. baggy, loose-fitting attire
3. undyed, dark roots in her hair (chicks aren’t allowed to dye their hair when preggers, doctor’s orders)

with this information, we sought confirmation from romo lover pal terrell owens.  TO confirmed that Romo told him he had lost the trojan condom he’d been carrying around for years but that the mistake was not Romo’s, alone.
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there’s a joke here.   but we’re just not sure how to phrase it.  

reggie bush celebrated a settlement in his money-for-nothing court case by doing what he does on the football field:  nothing much.  

roflmao!  we crack ourselves up.  bush does suck. and his ho-bag, fat-assed girlfriend, who also does nothing for a living, is perfect for them.

most people when they’ve just been revealed as alleged blatant liars lay low for a little while and try to stay out of the public eye. 

no Tush-N-Bush….they made another public appearance at a club last night.

(god forbid reggie would be back new orleans pumping iron and watching film with his teammates)

[images via WENN]

awesome pictorial over at the post today, showing celebs who are proud of their love-puffs.

(we object to kim kardashian being included on two fronts: she’s not a celebrity and that’s not an ass….that’s a fucking country)

image via si.com

….and i say to myself….what a wonderful world…..

the following answers are fictional and were not issued by the innocent looking lass pictured above or any other si.com cheerleader of the week. but one can dream, eh?

1. I love Miami but I almost went to: I almost went to community college because guys with middle-of-the-road IQs are really interesting to me.

2. My favorite class is: Human Sexuality

3. Movies I can’t live without: Blues Brothers, The Warriors, American Pie, Band of Brothers, Super Bad and anything with Jenna Jameson.

4. Music I can’t live without: Anything you can lap dance to.

5. TV shows I can’t live without: NFL on Fox, NFL on NBC, SportsCenter.

6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during a game? The first time I forgot to wear panties under my cheerleading uniform was pretty embarrassing, but only because I hadn’t gotten my brazilian. The next few times weren’t so bad.

7. My favorite sport is: Any sport my blogger boyfriend is watching on tv while I’m giving him a nude, full-body massage.

8. Thong, Briefs or Hipsters Underwear?: What’s underwear?

9. My one Guilty Pleasure is: Thinking about bloggers and playing with my woohoo during class.

10. My best physical feature: Hard to choose between my perfect belly, my taut ass, my perfect smile, my pert breasts and my smooth woohoo. I’ll go with my smooth woohoo.

11. Strange and unusual fact about me: I‘m quadruple jointed.

12. My friends would be surprised to know that I: Had multiple orgasms watching Will Leitch defend bloggers in the face of Buzz Bissinger’s criticism.

13. Favorite Foods: I don’t eat because I don’t like for my date to have to spend money on me. Also, by not eating, I maintain a perfect body.

14. Five People I’d Like To Have an Orgy With (Living or Dead): Erin Andrews, Bonnie Bernstein, Gena Carano, Kim Kardashian and any sports blogger.

15. Three People who annoy me: Buzz Bissinger, Jerry Jones, Phil Mickelson.

16. Next Risk I Want To Take: Becoming a three-input woman.

17. If your life had a theme song, what would it be? Pour Some Sugar on Me.

18. What reality show would you do best on and why? Flavor of Love because I like stupid guys. They’re HOT!

19. If I won the lottery, the first thing I’d buy is: A Lamborghini with a MacBook Air for my blogger boyfriend.

20. Describe the worst date you ever went on: The only bad date I ever went on was when my date spent too much money on me and didn’t get any sex because his mom walked in while I was unzipping his fly!

Let’s face it people…..Kim Kardashian is getting away with murder.

If that ass was on Jennifer Love Hewitt….oops….it is. Let’s try this again…..if that ass was on Kate Hudson or Jessica Biel or any other celebrity…we’d be crucifying them.

And don’t be fronting any of that “my anaconda don’t want none unless it got buns, hun” shit with me. Those things ain’t buns….they’re fricking fat-burgers!

And can you imagine what that shit is going to look like in ten years? GROSS! And…..God forbid she has any babies!!! TRES GROTESQUE!!!!

Here’s some whalebutt for your perusal:

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