on205th:  nothing says “my second career choice is to be a stripper” like changing your bearded clam juice soaked pantaloons in front of 20,000 people.

gratuitous link to monster site of the day, bustedcoverage:  nothing says you’re a five tool athlete like doing beer bongs in your track uniform.

yepyep.gibbs12:  nothing says you’re lying when you say “no homo” like being a fan of latte art.

bannedinhollywood:  nothing says there are still lots of good potential sports team names left like the NEW ORLEANS LOOTERS.

cuzoogle:  nothing says you wish you were african-american (or, in this case, african-canadian) like naming only chicks with huge (but still pretty fucking nice) asses to your list of top seven celebrity booties.

tiricosuave:  nothing says you often mistake your pillow for a bitch like claiming to lose your virginity at the age of six.

gratuitous link to monster site of the day, part 2, ns4w:  nothing says you can still have a nice piece of celebrity ass without having to deal with joe simpson like carrie underwood in a bikini.

gratuitous link to monster site of the day, part 3, deadspin:  nothing says that you’re a pre(or post)diabetic racist bitterly toiling for a dying media outlet like hating on the idea of dan patrick on sunday night football.  or football night in america.  or whatever the fuck it’s called.

donchavez:  nothing says you’ve reached the pinnacle of the coaching profession like having a big-tittied blonde as a post-divorce rebound.

fivetooltool:  nothing says even bloggers who don’t show tittie and cameltoe are guilty of bad taste like suggesting the new OKC nba team be named “the bombers”.

kissingsuzykolber:  nothing says funbags trump footballs like one of our fave sports sites introducing the now mandatory sex fridays.

brightblackinternet:  nothing says china will someday rule the entire world like them requiring their pole dancers to be better trained than our teachers.

the daily gizmodo:  nothing says the segway will change the world by killing people, one accident at a time, like conducting a crash test.

nothing says that you’re too old to hit a usc song girl like hearing this song on a mix tape you found in the basement: