flatusyahu world news has learned EXCLUSIVELY that terrell owens is missing a mandatory cowboys training camp in order join barack obama on the democratic ticket.
owens’ agent, drew rosenhaus issued a statement saying “i’ve just gotten off the phone with barack obama and he is thrilled to have t.o. as his running mate”. when asked what owens’ qualifications are, rosenhaus barked “next question!”.
a spokesperson for the obama campaign declined comment, stating, “as usual, we don’t comment on rumors about suicidal prima donnas with hands of stone”.
we don’t THINK bill richardson and other super delegates who have supported obama have anything to worry about. (but they might want to get their psa levels checked or their mams mammogramed.)
teddy is the last of the great kennedys and we wish him much peace, comfort and courage. in fact we encourage you to send him the “tax and spend bear” from the Vermont Teddy Bear Company.
and we’re even sorta kinda slightly but not over-the-top sorry that we posted this.
but the Obamster IS getting pissy about the GOP picking on his wife. the right wing faction of flatusyahu.com reckons Obama now knows how John McCain felt when the Dem’s were bitch-slapping Cindy McCain over her tax returns.
Barack Obama is riding a new wave of popularity after his campaign announced a plan to “make love, not carbon emissions”.
Rejecting a bi-partisan backed proposal to offer American’s a “gas tax holiday”, Obama countered with his own plan.
“Americans need to fornicate with each other….or, when necessary….with themselves”, declared Obama to a crowd of enthusiastic nudists at a Rockingham, NC pep rally. “The ‘gasoline tax holiday’ is a cheap political trick offered by Senators McClain and Clinton as a solution to our nation’s energy crisis. It will not fix the fundamental supply and demand problem that has been causing prices to rise so rapidly. As long as people keep consuming as much gasoline as they have….prices will rise.
I strongly urge people to stay home and have sex….with their spouses, with their neighbors, with their pets, with themselves…..whatever it takes to keep them out of their cars. Make love…not carbon emissions!”
Obama rival Hillary Clinton condemned his plan as irresponsible.
“My husband proved that sex is part of the problem, not part of the solution. I urge all women to keep their legs together and their feet on the gas pedal.”
Senator McCain’s wife Cindy would not allow him to comment on this story.
