Hey now!  si.com’s Tom Verducci has a neato review of the important ON FIELD plotlines for the first half of the baseball season. But crazy stuff has happened OFF THE FIELD.  THAT, my friends, is our end of the business.  Here are the top off the field stories of the first half of the baseball season:

1.  Roger Clemens throws his best friend under the bus.

Clemens’ Capitol Hill testimony that his friend, Andy Pettite was either a liar, a dummy, or both was startling on so many different levels.  Most of us thought that Clemens and Pettite were super-tight.  To see Clemens backed into a corner and turn on his friend, who testified that they BOTH used HGH, was amazing.  It makes you wonder what planet Clemens is from.

2.  A-Rod “misremembers” he’s married to a pregnant woman.

We thought gayrod’s marriage was kaput when he was caught with the peeler in Toronto.  Apparently wife Cynthia was in a forgiving mood back then.  Or, more likely, she was building more ammunition against the allegedly morally-confused Yankee Slipper.  Whatever….Cynthia drew the line at Gayrod declaring Madonner “his f*cking soulmate, man“.  Dude….that’s just gay.

3.  Is Manny Ramirez gonna have to choke a traveling secretary?

Clubhouse violence is back in vogue in 2008 after a ten-year sabbatical following the Great Latrell Sprewell Peace Treaty of 1997.  Two physical altercations in one month captured the attention of an MMA-mad world.

This one, involving Planet Manny Ramirez, happened when he couldn’t score as many comped tickets as he wanted.  So he shoved longtime Sox traveling secretary, Jack McCormick to the ground.  Hey….he said he was sorry.

4.  Is Shawn Chacon gonna have to choke a GM?

Two things make Shawn Chacon’s takedown of Astros GM Ed Wade worse than the Manny Ramirez incident.

First and foremost, Shawn Chacon sucks.  Dudes who suck as bad as Chacon should step-n-fetch, not argue with club officials.  The guys was being demoted for having an ERA above 5.00 and almost as many walks as strikeouts.  He should have offered to cut Ed Wade’s food into tiny little pieces so the little guy could more easily chew his food……anything…..ANYTHING to contribute to the team.

Second, he choked Ed Wade.  Choking a small, bespectled ivy-league educated man is a cowardly act.  It doesn’t matter how incompetent Ed Wade is…..you don’t choke the little midget.  Phillies fans have wanted to choke the man for years, and we resisted.  We still have jobs (most of us).  Chacon does not.  End of story. Read the rest of this entry »

bottle or are you just happy to see them?

Rocket needed a little boost for take off. No big deal. But that Suze Waldmyn pill sure does explain this.

Further proof that Debbie Clemens, and not Roger, is to blame for all his woes.

Passive aggresive wives shorten mens lives.

On the day that Roger Clemens apologized to friends, family, fans and everyone at Yardbarker for mistakes that he has made in his personal life….son Koby Clemens announced his revenge.

Although his father denied having an affair with a 15-year old Mindy McCready, Koby isn’t buying it.

“No wonder I didn’t get laid in high school….I was competing with a Hall-of-Famer!”, noted Koby, “but I WILL get my revenge…I’m going to bang every seventy and eighty year old in every minor league town in America. I’ll bang my Grandma if that’s what it takes to embarrass my old man!”

Rusty Hardin, Roger Clemen’s attorney, said he will sue Koby if he gets near Hardin’s wife.

“This is unchartered territory….but I’ll sue his ass if he lays a finger on Momma.”

(after you’re done here….make sure you check out on205th Magazine’s Sexiest Woman on the Planet contest….which is down to the Final Four.)