….how else to explain her mammoth mamms staying in that chintzy dress? [dirtyrottenwhore]

[images via mavrixonline]

tits?  check.

ass?  check.

eight inch see-through stripper heels?  check.

we’re not going to try to make this into a big story.  let’s just say that after the jump you’re going to see a dozen or so images of the world’s sluttiest looking former playboy playmate looking stunningly sleazy poolside in miami beach.  we know some of you pervs are into that sort of thing.

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[images via abacausa]

the host of these huge fleshmelons is an internationally renown supermodel and former member of the swedish national ski team.  she once was famously photographed enjoying the receiving end of a public tongue bath….but THIS is probably our favorite picture of her.

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[images via WENN]

former atomickitten, current sugababes star heidi range got all fleshy, but disappointed the “pants around ankles, cock in hand, peering through the bushes” set by not flashing any tit, twat, nipple or cameltoe at a miami hotel pool whilst on vacation with her carbon-copy sista hayley.

what’s sugababes, you ask?  think spice girls without the fame, fortune or exposure. but with a little more talent.

range often seem preoccupied with keeping her nice, round rump covered.  seriousgas speculates that she was riding the cotton pony and feared a drawstring moment.

uh. eww.

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[images via abacausa]

lisa rinna’s moneymakers, her nipples, got the night off at the Holly Robinson/Rodney Peete Charity Shindig (our name, not theirs).  this, of course, makes us sad.

if you want some lisa rinna nippleage…..here you go.

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[images via WENN]

lance armstrong has to be the luckiest testicle-less man alive.  he beats the cancer, has a super hot first wife, a super hot girlfriend (whoops….how’d that get in there) and now he is heavy with the goddess, kate hudson.  muthafucka!!!!

all the doping allegations slide off lance and stick to that patsy floyd landis while armstrong makes a fortune on those silly little yellow wristbands.  muthafucka!!!

we hope you catch herpes, you ballless wonder!  nah, just kidding about that.  the clap.  catch the clap, muthafucka!

[images via WENN]

comedian chelsean handler attempts to snuff out the life of her diminutive personal assistant, chuy bravo, using only her ample bosom.

then she attempts a forced deepthroat of the microphone using a technique most guys are familiar with…

handler and bravo were oat-and-aboat promoting her new book, ‘are you there, vodka?  it’s me chelsea’ at what appears to a bookstore with absolutely no inventory.

as a loyal flatuspherian, you’re well aware of our disgruntlement over kate beckinsale winning on205th.com’s Sexiest Woman on the Planet contest. (we, of course, were partial to bar rafaeli)

our disgruntlement has reached a ROAR after finding out that beckinsale, the so-called sexiest woman on the planet, will no longer do NUDE SCENES!!!!

according to the ny daily news:

Producers reportedly have to shell out big bucks for a $2,000-a-day nude stand-in for Beckinsale’s shower scene in “Whiteout” after the actress refused to bare her thighs and bum on-camera.

“Kate has a terrible self-image,” an on-set source said. “She thinks she is fat and she is always complaining how certain outfits make her bottom look big. Of course, the reality is that she has the most amazing body.”

what’s sexy about that? nada. nadathing!

if you want nude beckinsale, you’ll have to go here. here. or here.

p.s. if dickie-t had tits like kate, i’d be showing the whole world. oh…wait….i do have tits like kate. never mind.

we’ll be honest….we know JACKSHIT about the glam group, the diamondettes. until now. and now we KNOW that these girls have the sickest boozies of any girl group on the planet. (any boy band, too).

we checked em oat over at facebook and their music sounds EXACTLY britney spears. EXACTLY.

but those titties. my god THOSE TITTIES!

[images via WENN]